Several hours later, James feel asleep and I got a chance to meditate. For me, meditation is about trying to soften the relentless chatter in my mind. It's a break from myself! Simply refocusing on my breathing, over and over again, eventually brings a sense of distance from the internal disquiet and, with it, a greater sense of calm.
It's only then that I can go a level deeper and become curious about what wisdom is waiting patiently to reveal itself to me. I don't chase the wisdom. I simply sit - still breathing! - knowing that I will gain an insight into my situation that will provide comfort and deepen my understanding of life.
Nor did Wisdom disappoint me. The insight I gained was that the real reason for feeling overwhelmed and unhappy was the gap between the life I'm living and the dreams I have for myself and my family: a job that is meaningful (my most recent job application didn't even make it to the interview stage) and a home to replace our rather 'bijou' flat.
The Aha moment! So I'm living in the shadow of my own dreams - how many of us are doing that?! Walking the path to the future does require patience. It also requires, above and beyond all else, respect for the present moment, of who and where I am right now, even while I cherish the dream of who I wish to become and where I dream of living.
It's a paradox, loving the future vision even while cherishing the present reality, because this present was once a dream I aspired to and am now living.
Without trying too much I find I enjoy the mind chatter, relish the minor meltdowns, and don't strive to change my reactions, but rather let them be and watch them play out. Life is everything, nothing is excluded, there is no yin without yang or peace without cacophony.
ReplyDeleteHi Suzanne,
ReplyDeleteI think the thing about mind chatter is that it depends on the volume! If all is going well with life and I'm centred and able to sway with the ebb and flow of life, then chatter is not too much, it's part of the flow of life.
But when something 'catches' me, a thought, a fear, a dream, and my mind won't let it go to the extent that I lie awake for hours thinking about it, I think the volume is too high! I'm not watching them play out, they have me hooked.
I absolutely agree that we should accept what is, and acknowledge the balance of yin and yang. However, paradoxically, I also believe that humanity sits on the cusp of an ascension process and how this sits with yin and yang I don't know - perhaps it's about holistic balance rather than the balance of positive and negative...