The shell of the ego is cracking. Over the weekend, I realised that I consistently think the same thoughts, react in the same way to external events. I even say more or less the same things, over and over again.
In that moment, I saw I have two 'selves'. The ego self, which is almost like a pre-programmed person that consistently behaves in the same way. Below that, quietly saying almost nothing, is the Self, which is, I assume, the Eternal Self, that exists beyond time, place and personality.
I've read about this but never experienced it before. Now, having experienced it, I'm trying to remember the fleeting insight. The things that annoy me don't matter. The things that please me don't matter. They are all just stimuli to the personality Jennifer and her pre-programming.
All this said, I still haven't managed to change my programming! At the simplest level, I still haven't managed to give up wine or chocolate which my programming thinks will respectively help my spiritual journey and physical appearance.
That's the thing about the spiritual journey. Insight doesn't always equate to change. It ebbs and flows. The shell of personality is cracked, but it has not fallen away. Nonetheless, if nothing else, it is allowing me to be a bit looser about what I think is 'good' and 'bad'.
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