There are probably few mirrors more uncompromising, more unflinching than our children. While they are not exact copies of us, they do tend to do what we do, not what we say, providing us with a realtime reflection of who we are, not who we think we are.
Over the past few weeks, James (age two and a half) has begun answering questions and suggestions with the most resigned, bored 'Okay' I could ever imagine. "Where did he learn this? Who was this bored with him?" I wondered.
The penny dropped today. Cringe. It was me.
There are moments when playing with him is the last thing I want or can do, for various reasons. And that's the tone I use in those moments: when I've resigned myself to doing what he wants, not what I want to do. I just didn't realise I did it so often. Cringe again.
So, what's the insight from this? The first is this: Life can be muddy, and so too can I. Rather than berating myself, which only increases my feelings of shame, resentment and unworthiness, I can choose Forgiveness for myself, for not living up to my own idealised standard.
The second is this: This is also an invitation to reconsider how I respond to moments of frustration - not only is James the most important person in my life, he can also be the most persistent, as anyone with experience of toddlers knows! - I don't know exactly how I shall deal with this in the future, but I do know my tone will change.
And my mirror will show me when I've succeeded!
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